What anxiety looks like for me .....
So we are in Week 9 of homeschooling our kids - and just this past week, our government has decided to go back to school for the month of June. I believe they are doing this for 2 reasons - our numbers are low AND because of that we can try out a new system that may be the "new normal" for when school goes back in September until we have either developed Herd Immunity or there is a vaccine. I could be wrong - but that's my take on it.
What this means for many parents is they have the option to send their kids back to school for a couple of days per week (depending on their ages) or keep their kids at home and continue with the online learning. For those of us who are teachers though - we have to go back and navigate teaching to a few students in class, continuing with online learning AND writing report cards.
What is already a stressful month has now become almost unmanageable for many of us.
I personally am choosing not to send my kids back to school. We have developed a good system, we are all getting work done (albeit my work is more challenging with 3 "can you help me with this" or "please show me your work" and so on), and for the few short weeks of the school year, I do not see the point of changing their routine. Plus, selfishly, I enjoy this time with them and I won't get it back.
With the announcement of this change, my anxiety was triggered. I know there are many reasons I've been feeling anxious these past few days so I won't bore you with all the details of WHY I'm feeling anxious. Rather I want to share a story about how anxiety triggers more anxiety and what I will do to break this cycle.
I have worked really hard the past few days to ask for the things I need and do "different" activities to break my routine a little and get out of the "loop" that I sometimes find myself stuck in with anxiety. I've read, I listened to a book for 3 hours yesterday, I went for a walk at a time I wouldn't normally, I sat on my deck, I talked to a friend and so on. These things have helped immensely.
Do you ever find though that when in an "anxious state" triggers just pop out of nowhere? It's like the universe is testing us to see if we can really make it through ... if those tools we talk so much about actually work.
As many of you know, I have been coaching now for over 5 years. I help women with their fitness & nutrition. I help them create new normals so they don't go back to old patterns that no longer serve them, make themselves a priority in their lives, and so on. It is the most fulfilling job I have ever had! The energy shift I feel in women who truly dive in to this process lights my soul on fire.
Last night however, I received a note from a brand new client saying that she had decided to switch coaches. "It's nothing personal", she said, "just someone I know locally whom I am more comfortable with." And I get it - 1000% I get it. The entire point of this journey is to support one another HOWEVER that looks for each person. I know that people will come and go - I know to bless and release and I know I've done my best to help support her starting out on her journey.
At the same time, I think already being in a heightened state of anxiety, my loop turned in to a fucking maze! Just like the picture above, my head started with the "did you do enough?", "is your start up guide enough for someone to get going?", "did she like the sample and welcome card I sent her?", "will this energy affect me next month" and on and on and on.
I know that so many of you can relate to this. One little thing - and BOOM - there is a fucking maze in my head that I am now trying to fight off!
It's interesting how the brain works - we can step out and look at the big picture and KNOW, like truly know that we are doing our best and in this situation, she just wasn't supposed to be part of my FitClub. Yet in that exact same moment, we can literally drive ourselves crazy with the "what ifs" and the "should haves".
So for today, I am going to follow Elsa's advice and "Let it Go" (I hope it was Elsa and not Anna who said that - it's been a while since I watched Frozen). I am going to remind myself of the HUGE number of people I have helped and that I am proud of myself for always being a learner in this business and in life.
I am also going to spend a HUGE chunk of time today listening to music & dancing (I teach Zumba tonight) as well as listening to a great book. On a side note, I just finished Stories that Stick by Kyndra Hall and it was amazing. These things will keep me present in my moment and help me focus my energy on what will serve me rather than what will drive me crazy (and ultimately have me questioning my worth & value - a place I no longer go).
I will also checkin on some of my current clients and send them an extra dose of love today - who knows, if I'm feeling this way and working through this right now, someone else may just need a little extra TLC today too (and if that's you - sending love and big hugs your way my friend).