Unraveling ..... sometimes is necessary!

So - I LOVE reading. I always have. I just have not made it a priority and honestly, it seems like anytime I sit down with a book, I fall asleep. Then I discovered Audible. I'm sure there are other sites out there where you can get an e-book and listen, but this is the one that works for me.

I have listened to many books I love (Rising Strong by Brene Brown, You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero to name a couple). I have listened to business books that have helped me step out of my comfort zone and challenged me to try something new, to grow beyond my box. I had yet to read (or listen to) a book where I felt like the author was taking my words and reading them outloud - until now.

Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton has caused a bit of an unraveling in me. This would have frightened me only a few years ago, but today, I am ok. I am comforted by the unraveling because I know it is just allowing me to step into my own light. I think of one of those old-school woven lawn chairs - I am removing one of the colours I don't like only to add one that I love!

For much of my life I did what I thought was right, what I thought I was supposed to do - I am sure I am not alone in this. I became numb to how I felt and as a result, I lost me. I would answer "fine" to every "how are you?", "good" to every "how was your day?", and "yes" to most "can you help me with this?"

Over the past 4+ years, I have been challenged to look deep inside and find ME. I have started taking care of a body that I didn't really appreciate or value before. I have learned to set healthy boundaries and that saying "no" doesn't make me a bitch. I have learned to stop the crazy and actually schedule time for me, for my kids, for those that I care about. I have learned to play with my puppy, cuddle her, and let her kiss me even if her tongue occasionally goes up my nose.

Listening to the author talk about her unraveling and how she had to learn who she was after years and years of burying that person inside was a bit unnerving because I felt as though she had opened up a diary of mine and was reading it aloud (albeit I did not suffer from bulimia or alcoholism, but I had my "things"). Even though it was unraveling for me, it was also a huge celebration for me. Yes there are parts I get mad at - like "jumping off my mat" (you'll have to read to understand), but I also understand that whatever my journey is, there will be love in all forms, that I am worthy of love and that I am able to give love.

I have always had this fear, or shall I say utter terror, that somehow on some level I will pass on to my kids, some of my mess and chaos. Reading the author's words though has put my mind and heart at ease - if I show up for them, really show up for them - mind, body, and spirit - if I am open and honest with them in ways that sometimes the world won't always be, then they will be able to stand in their light as well. They will see what is true and honest, they will be allowed to feel what they feel, work through those emotions, stand in those moments and not hide or shove them inside numbing themselves to the pain of real life.

No longer will I hide inside - even in the painful times - I will forever seek the light and show up as me. Sometimes unraveling is necessary to find who we really are!