A "Simple" Shopping Trip

How many of you have suffered from anxiety? How many know what it feels like to feel like you're suffocating in your clothing and can't catch a breath? I have been affected by anxiety for about 8 years now and even though my battles with anxiety are few and far between these days because I have worked extremely hard on staying present, using the tools I have learned help me, rumbling (as Brene Brown says) with my emotions, and questioning what it is that is causing me anxiety; when it decides to grab on, that nasty "A" word is absolutely relentless.

We had a busy day today that included 2 soccer games, a lunch date at White Spot (my little man was a bit out of sorts because of soccer and so his sisters opted to pick his favourite restaurant to cheer him up), a short trip to IKEA and then a planned visit to a friend at the new mall in Tsawwassen. It had not even crossed my mind that the mall would be an absolute zoo and so when we entered the building, I was completely caught off guard and that nasty "A" word came charging. I instantly felt everything inside of me tighten; my clothes felt like they had gone from loose to spandex especially across my chest; and I was struggling to breathe.

I managed to communicate my feelings to my kiddos and the vote was unanimous that it was time to go home. I am not even sure we lasted 10 minutes in the building and as we were driving home with tears pouring down my face, all 3 of them reassured me that it was going to be ok; that everyone was ok. I shared with them what I was feeling inside the mall and how I kept picturing one of them lost in that monstrosity while the rest of us frantically searched. Perhaps if I had given it some thought, opening weekend was not the best timing for a huge new mall and me with my little ones. That being said, it was truly amazing to share this experience with them. We all stayed calm together, we talked, we shared, we hugged, we laughed.

I will continue to rumble with what exactly triggered "A" to come for a visit today. I know there are likely other factors at play here. I am also however, forever grateful for being able to calm down (box breathing and cross lateral taps) and then QUESTION! My wish for all of you is that you rumble and question too. We are not condemned to our anxiety or depression or whatever it may be. There is more out there and if we are willing to stay in the emotion instead of reacting to it, that's when the magic begins......

Much love and light to all.

<3 T